A thank-you letter.

To all of you out there, who either frequently or rarely send me e-mail messages: I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates of Microsoft Corp. and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with the AIDS virus. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because my toilet is the only one I can be sure doesn't have a big brown African spider lurking under the seat, causing me instant death when it bites my butt. Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything. And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I spotted in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and let's not forget this one:I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! Thanks for your time, and let me just say in closing- If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

So this morning I wake up to THIS...

Bloody Hell...I don't know how many inches this is, but it's a lot of snow. I'm pretty sure that sounded dirty without me meaning for it to. Since it was such a terrifying event, I felt I should fix the pictures to make it look a little scarier than it maybe was. The truly scary thing will be driving to the gym this morning.


I will admit, it does look kind of pretty at this time...although once the Rig Pigs start driving their muddy trucks around in it, and once all the stray dogs start urinating it in, it's going to be disgusting and I'll hate it really lots.

That being said, keeping in the tradition of me being the Crazy Cat Lady, I threw the kitties onto the deck so that I could take a picture of their paw prints for you. You're welcome : )

Aaah...kittens!!

Because I am a geek with very little social life at the moment, I thought I would share some more kitten pictures...Mr. Tanaka posed very nicely for me for awhile (in between perching on my shoulder sessions) and I thought you'd all like to see his giant mitten paws!! *even if you don't REALLY want to see them, at least pretend like it's exciting*. I probably need to get out more, but why would I want to when I have chubby kittens at home?!?!?!

I don't even care...the inbred paws are adorable!!! And the fact that they'll fall asleep on their back is pretty swell too!! I have turned into the Crazy Cat lady...

Freaking out...

Oh god...oh god...so I realized today that it's damned near the end of October. This would be alright if only my job wasn't a "Temporary-3 month" position. The end of October is the end of the 3 months. I haven't heard either way if I'm staying or going. This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't love the job so much. I mean, not only do I have a lot of free time with it, but I love my clients and my co-workers...and if I get a new job, who will go for coffee with me everyday? Another big problem is the fact that I JUST bought a new place...getting another job will be no big deal, but will I be able to find something that pays enough to pay for the mortgage? I feel physically ill because of this...my tummy wants my breakfast out of there.

I actually feel quite similar to the way I felt the morning after this picture was taken...like my head was full of cotton and my body was rejecting all solids, fluids, and Advil gel capsules. Ok, so I just think the picture is funny and I wanted to post it. Nicole and I get into swell amounts of trouble.

What the hell should I do?

My new home!!

Hellooooooooo Everybody! (you 3 know who you are)

So, Jeff's been all up in my face about my lack of blogging lately. I would feel kinda bad, if I wasn't so bloody busy with the new place. I have been in here for almost 2 weeks now, and it's just fantabulous!! On Friday the 13th, I added 2 new members to my family. Their names are Mr. Tanaka and Gizmo.

Mr.Tanaka is the orange one (Jeff, you may notice that he looks an awful lot like Jimi...the cat I let you chase around my yard back in the day). He has 5 toes on one foot and 6 on the other. When I get him to pose nicely I'll take a picture for you...looks like he has mittens! Gizmo is the Ewok looking thing lying on her back. I absolutely adore them...even though they are quite difficult to manage at times. I apparently am not capable of getting a pet that isn't inbred.

So, the house...so small, so outdated, but so wonderful!! I spent all last weekend painting the kitchen cupboards. The job was difficult, but well worth it. They now look modern and brighten up the entire place.

Here are a couple more pictures...one of my super-hot pink bathroom ( I adore the hawaiian print shower curtain and giant pink towels *thanks mom*). The other picture is of the stairs up to my loft. I'm going to paint the rest of the kitchen bright blue, change the flooring, and paint the rest of the place a light grey. Then, I'm going to paint the back wall of the loft some bright color, and eventually I'll change the carpet because I'm not exactly fond of it. Oh yeah, and all the brown doors you see will be painted the same color as the cupboards...that's my weekend job!

Anyways, I just wanted to let everyone know that I was still alive and also show off my photo posting to blog skills. *apparently I was forgetting to click the DONE button afterwards*.

I'll be sure to update more often now...I'm sure you can hardly contain your excitement!!

Ciao

Apparently I'm "Pretty Normal"..who woulda thought?

I got this on MySpace and I figured I'd annoy you guys with it....apparently I'm "pretty normal" but the sad thing is, I fear being normal.

If you get 26 and over, you're paranoid.If you get 10 or less you're fearless.If you get 11 to 25 you are pretty normal.Everyone fears something...you just have to find the right thing

I Fear...

[] the dark
[x]staying single forever
[] being a parent
[x] giving birth
[] being myself in front of others
[] open spaces
[] closed spaces
[x] heights
[] black cats
[] dogs
[x] birds
[x] fish
[] Ants
[] driving
[] flying
[] flowers or other plants
[] being touched
[] fire
[x] dark water
[] the ocean
[x] failure
[] success
[] thunder/lightning
[] frogs/toads
[] my boy/girlfriends/(ex)boy/girlfriends dad
[x] my boy/girlfriends/(ex)boy/girlfriends mom
[] mice/rats
[x] jumping from high places
[] snow
[] rain
[] wind
[] cotton balls
[xxx] clowns
[] large crowds
[] crossing bridges
[x] death
[] Heaven
[] being robbed
[] men that i dont know well
[] women that i dont know well
[] having great responsibility
[] doctors, including dentists
[] tornadoes
[] hurricanes
[] diseases
[] snakes
[] sharks
[x] shots
[xxx] spiders
[] Friday the 13th (it's comin up!!!!)
[] poverty
[xxx] ghosts
[] Halloween
[] school
[] trains or railroads
[] odd numbers
[] even numbers
[] being alone
[] being blind
[] being deaf
[x] growing up
[] monsters under my bed
[x] creepy noises in the night
[x] bee stings
[] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[x] needles
[] blood
[x] someone you love or care about getting hurt
[] love
[x]Jeff's dad finding out about his mom and I

Let's talk about dating...

Since I got sent home from work today due to a terrible head cold, I figured I would update this blog-thingamajig. I realize that instead of writing about my own semi-interesting (ok, boring) life, I usually just comment on other people's exciting ones.

This afternoon, I figured it was time for a change. So I would like to share with everyone my recollection of the worst date I've ever been on. Although I have been on many dates, and the majority of them were somewhere between mediocre and awful, one stands out in my mind as worse than the rest. I feel that everyone would benefit from my telling of the story. Let's begin!!

It was a Tuesday evening I believe...I had been working at the devil store (Carlton Cards...ugh) in the Kamloops mall. Every day that I worked there seemed to run into the day before, and nothing very exciting ever happened. But this day, a pretty cute guy came in and we were talking and he asked me if I would like to go for dinner after work. I decided that dinner was probably a bit too much for a first date, and so we settled for a drink. He said he'd call me around 8 and we'd figure out where to go. I was kinda excited, which seems strange now, seeing as every time I have to go on a date I feel nothing but dread now.

So I finished work, went home and he called and we decided to go to Duffys. It seemed like a fairly safe place for a date. My mom suggested that I meet him there, just in case I decided half way through that I should bolt. Also, this prevented him from knowing where I lived (man, that woman has EXCELLENT foresight!!) and would make it difficult for him to just show up at random times (which had happened beofe, believe it or not...one time a guy whom I had went on ONE date with, was at my house when I got home from work...had just gone in and introduced himself as my "boyfriend" and creeped the hell out of my dad).

I meet the guy at Duffys, and the first thing I notice is that he isn't as tall as I thought he was at the store. I really can't complain though, because at 5'2", I'm not exactly a giant myself. We go inside, and I order a ceasar. I remember what I drank that night, because they have never appealed to me since. He starts off the conversation by telling me that he is 34 *COUGH COUGH* and has 2 kids. A GIANT red flag shot out of his head at that point. I was 22, freshly out of a hellish relationship with a guy who had a kid, and not at all interested in having to look after someone else's child while they ran around the country sleeping with every whore they could find. After that I was polite, but distant. So he pulled out the one card that REALLY pisses me off. The "I have this much money and I have this many things and I'm great because I'm rich" card. I downed my drink as quickly as possible and said that it was time for me to go. I grabbed my coat and rushed to the door.

Mini-me came truckin' along behind me...and as I was unlocking my door, he came up to me, grabbed the back of my head and LICKED my face. I'm talking, full-on tongue along my cheek action. It was like having your faithful furry companion show you love, only much much much much worse. I burst out laughing...I think mostly due to the awkwardness of the situation...and pushed him away from me. I figured the "uhh...I gotta go" was enough of a hint that I wasn't interested in him, but apparently it wasn't. He ended our lovely evening with the words "Let's go get a hotel room..." and I ended the evening by opening my car door, jumping in and locking the door while he stood there looking at me. Then I proceeded to start bawling and drove home (using a very out-of-the-way route to prevent any following) and swore off dating.

Looking back, it's funny now. At the time it wasn't. And what REALLY isn't funny about it, is how my mom will sometimes tell me that he's called their house looking for me. I think she's told him 2 or 3 times that I don't live there anymore...but good for him for keeping up the hope!!